Journalists don’t have enough information or enough time, but they do have deadlines.
On Tuesday morning, as I was trying to make sense of Nevada County’s $387,709,385 budget at a Board of Supervisors hearing, I learned that the deadline for this column had been brought forward to today.
I don't have time to report on the budget, but I would like to say that I was impressed with the professionalism with which it was prepared and presented.
I'm not alone in saying this. The Government Finance Officers Association has recognized Nevada County with its Best Practices Award for the past nine years. Kudos to County Executive Allison Lehman, outgoing Chief Financial Officer Martin Paul, and many other staff members too numerous to name here.
Without going into too much detail, I am pleased to say that homelessness and housing remain top priorities for the Board of Supervisors.
And I want to thank my supervisors and staff for willingly working with me on the progressive and sometimes radical ideas we have presented through our Sierra Roots/No Place to Go project. I am hopeful that we will see great progress this year in alleviating the homelessness/housing crisis.
Now, I've missed a few column deadlines last year, so it's professional pride to me to not miss this early deadline. So here's a rather outlandish essay I wrote recently about relationships. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this little treatise on the game of courtship.
A woman needs a man just like a fish needs a bicycle.
So yeah, I don't need a woman either. I can cook, clean, raise kids, embroider butterflies, party, fix cars, pay taxes, work for a living, and even have an active sex life.
The key word here is “need.” Men and women should not need each other.
Needing someone puts you at a disadvantage because you become psychologically dependent on them. Your happiness depends on what they do or don't do, what they feel or don't feel.
“Desiring” another person is an entirely different thing.
Unfortunately, we don't always get what we want, and hoping for something we can't have is not only a waste of our precious time, but it's also mentally unhealthy.
If you don't get or lose the man or woman you want, it doesn't have to ruin your life. Sure, it might hurt you badly, but you're still a whole person.
But if you allow yourself to think that you need that person, they will take a part of your soul with them, and they don't even want it.
There is a yin and a yang in life. Male and female. There are some things that only people of the opposite sex can offer, things that transcend biological sex. Each brings complementary perspectives and survival skills unique to that gender.
(It's Pride Month, so let's just accept that most of us want compatible sexual partners and not sweat the small stuff.)
I once saw a cartoon in which an older woman was telling a younger person, “Marriage is when two people live together as one.”
The young man asks, “Which one?”
Marriages, where a man and woman “live as one flesh,” are based on necessity. Both people may be in a needy position, but they are giving up parts of themselves because they need to be together. Most unhappy marriages are based on necessity.
These couples are equivalent to one person because they have given up half of themselves. They need each other to feel complete, even when or if they don’t really need each other anymore. Their decisions are based on chronic compromise.
In a healthy desire-based relationship, the man and woman are essentially three people: the woman, the man, and the two of them as a power couple teaming up to accomplish things neither could achieve alone.
That being said, the chances that the person you want will come back to you are slim, and it's an emotionally dangerous thing to do.
Because we can’t get who we want, we often settle for who we need (who will basically accept us).
The problem is that compromising often results in an unsatisfying relationship for at least one partner, and probably both.
As a twice-divorced single guy who's been in a few long-term relationships that didn't work out, I'm probably not the best person to give relationship advice, so please take it with a pinch of salt.
It's better to have no relationship at all than a bad one.
If you want to find the right person, make sure you are the right person. It's not about what you want to get from them, it's about what you want to give them.
Tom Durkin is a freelance writer, editor and photographer/videographer living in Nevada County. He can be reached at tjdurkin3@gmail.com.
