She has always been my biggest advocate. She believed in me even when I didn't believe in myself.
(Illustration: Christopher Cherington | Salt Lake Tribune)
By Rachel | From The Salt Lake Tribune
| May 12, 2024, 12:05 PM
Rachel's child was placed in the care of her foster parent, Heather, when she was five months old. The two women write a column sharing their experiences in foster care. You can read Rachelle's article below and Heather's article here. To protect the privacy of her children as well as her children, only her first name will be used.
5 months. How old was my child when he was removed from my care?
When I heard the word “child care,” nothing good came to mind. I wanted to hate Heather because, after all, she was there for all the milestones I missed, like crawling, walking, and talking.
It hurt to watch other people raise their children, but I knew in my heart that we had to work together as a team. Because it's in the child's best interest. And that's exactly what we did.
At first I was angry and embarrassed. I thought to myself, “I can never let anyone know about this.'' “What will they think of me?” I thought others would see me as a bad mother who didn't love or care for my children, and I felt like I had to prove them wrong. I did.
As the reunion approached, I was incredibly nervous. I worried that I wasn't good enough for my kids, or that they loved Heather more than me. But Heather's support and belief in me has led me to believe that I am the mother my child deserves. She has always been my biggest advocate. She believed in me even when I didn't believe in myself.
[Read Heather’s story.]
Working with foster parents was probably the most difficult experience I will ever face, but I can truly say that it has made me a better person and a better mother.
People ask me how I manage to stay so close to the woman who raised my children, but the truth is, it's simple. I know that Heather and my children will always have a special bond. And I don't begrudge it because I know it will only hurt my child.
Heather has become a friend of mine throughout this long journey and I consider her family at this point. She still plays a very active role in my children's lives. They meet at least once a month and communicate frequently. I will send her a photo of her. And she always fills her in on my kids' stupid behavior because she knows her kids appreciate it.
As a single mother, you need as much help as possible. I am grateful that Heather is still showing up for my family even though her stint as a foster parent for my child is over. It takes a special person to step up and be there for a child who is not their own. That's why she will forever hold a special place in my children's and my hearts. That's what foster care is all about.
Rachel is the proud mother of three children, two of whom are dogs, and has a passion for helping people.
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