Editor's note: Terry Spratt, former White House speechwriter for President Barack Obama, is an adjunct professor of political speechwriting at American University and author of the upcoming book “Say It Well: Find Your Voice, Speak Your Mind, Inspire Any Audience.” The opinions expressed in this commentary are Spratt's own. Find more opinion pieces on CNN.
CNN —
In these polarized times, I've decided to do something that may sound crazy: I'm going to watch next week's CNN debate between President Joe Biden and former President Donald Trump, along with several hundred Republicans, Democrats, and Independents, in one room, together.
Courtesy of Terry Spratt
Terry Spratt
What could possibly go wrong?
As Americans, we seem to have lost the ability to talk to one another. From our social media feeds to family dinners to town meetings to college campuses, we preach when we should listen — not to drown out the voices of those with whom we disagree, but to try to convince them to be open to different perspectives.
For the sake of our families, our communities, and our democracy, the way we talk to each other must change. We know it. Most Americans say they want more civility in our national debate. But how do we get there?
As a speechwriter, I've spent almost 30 years thinking about the language we use to communicate with one another. I'll admit that at times I've slipped into rhetorical excess that has only served to divide us. I've seen it in my own family. I'm a liberal who wrote speeches for President Barack Obama. My uncle Dan was a staunch conservative who hated Obama. Our Thanksgiving “conversations” could get heated. Many times I wished I'd chosen my words more carefully.
We all need to try harder.
So I tracked down a group that's bringing together Republicans, Democrats, and independents for a watch party of the nation's biggest debate. Braver Angels is one of many grassroots groups that have mushroomed in recent years to bridge partisan divides and promote more civil debate on issues from immigration to abortion, and they'll be doing so next week at their national convention in Kenosha, Wisconsin, one of the battleground states that will determine the outcome of this year's presidential election.
In that spirit, here are some ways this year's candidates — and we as Americans — can debate the issues with the civility we desire.
Let's be humble. We tell ourselves that we arrived at our political beliefs through careful consideration of the facts. It is others who are blinded by ideology. In fact, most of us inherited our politics, as well as our religion, from our parents. Conservative parents tend to raise conservative children, and liberal parents tend to raise liberal children. If we remembered that our politics are often the product of environments over which we have little control, perhaps we would all be less quick to dismiss people with different worldviews.
If you want to persuade, don't condemn. Racism, sexism, and homophobia are scourges, so by all means, oppose them. At the same time, if you're trying to convince your family or neighbors to change their way of thinking, don't call them bigots. “Calling someone a racist, sexist, or xenophobe is completely unhelpful,” explains Alana Connor, former executive director of Stanford University's Center for Social Psychological Real-World Answers. “One of the things we know from social psychology is that when people feel threatened, they're less able to change and less able to listen.”
Don’t otherize, demonize, or dehumanize. Politicians and television pundits love to use “us” versus “them” language, labeling others as “evil,” “wicked,” or “evil”—or worse, describing others as subhuman: “vermin,” “animals,” “the herd.” But history shows where dehumanizing language can lead: from slavery and segregation to the more than six million Jews murdered during the Holocaust. Each of us is responsible for the words that come out of our mouths. And each of us can reject hateful rhetoric that has the potential to hurt or kill.
Don’t “fight” for your country. Politicians often say we shouldn’t “fight” for the future we want. What was once a metaphorical expression is now reality. In recent years, there have been hundreds of acts of political violence, including the January 6, 2021, attack on the U.S. Capitol. Nearly a quarter of Americans agree that we may need to “resort to violence” to “save” our country from our political opponents. If politically motivated attacks are a clear and immediate danger, we would all be wise to distance ourselves from any language that could be perceived as threatening or inciting violence.
Appeal to a shared identity. Are you trying to persuade someone? Avoid starting with statements like, “As a Republican/conservative…” or “As a Democrat/liberal…” Most Americans don't accept the labels you're proud of, and the moment you bring up partisan politics, they may stop listening. Try to connect on a different, more human level: “As a mother/father/believer/veteran/American, I believe…” When you remind people of your shared identity, they're more likely to listen to you.
Don't forget our shared values. Finally, even if we disagree sharply on certain issues, it's worth remembering that we are still remarkably united when it comes to fundamental values. An overwhelming majority of Americans say they support equal protection under the law, the right to vote, freedom of speech, the right to privacy, religious freedom, the right to peaceful assembly, and a free press. We are still united by fundamental principles like “integrity,” “responsibility,” and “liberty.”
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A few years ago, after I observed a group of liberals and conservatives talking together for a day in the basement of a Virginia church, one Braver Angels member said, “We have serious differences, but I think we’re driven by deeply shared principles.”
It's that spirit I hope to find as I join hundreds of Americans watching the presidential debate in Wisconsin — because the fate of our nation of more than 330 million people is decided not just by the candidates on this stage, but by the discussions and conversations we have every day with our families, friends and neighbors. And none of us are going anywhere.
“Physically speaking, we cannot be separated,” President Abraham Lincoln told us in an age of other division. “We must not be enemies. Though passions may distress it, we must not sever the bonds of our affections.” Our great American experiment will only endure if we summon the “better angels of our nature.” That includes relearning how to speak to one another with the civility, empathy, and honesty that befits our democracy and on which its survival depends.
