Dr. Kakaiya is a licensed clinical psychologist and neuroscientist and lives at 4S Ranch.
Growing up in Kenya in a large Indian family with many siblings and cousins gave me my first experience of being raised by multiple mothers. Naturally, my own mother played a central role, and my sisters, cousins, and aunts all contributed to my upbringing.
As a result, I am accustomed to being guided by the many wonderful women who have taken on the role of mother in my life here in San Diego. British pediatrician and psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott wrote “good enough'' in 1953 to describe a mother who is attuned to her child, recognizing that small unmet needs help the child grow. coined the term “mother”. An overindulgent or omnipresent mother inhibits the development of a child's sense of independence. This Mother's Day, I honor some of the most influential maternal figures in my life.
This memorial is dedicated to a select few mothers who raised me in San Diego. I truly want to conduct myself in a way that makes mothers proud in my community. Motherhood comes in many forms, but the maternal figures who have shaped my identity in San Diego throughout my adult life deserve the highest praise.
First and foremost, Betty Peabody, a Balboa Park volunteer since 1969 and founder of the organization Friends of Balboa Park, embodies the quintessential San Diego “mother” figure. At the ripe young age of 92, she has been like a mother figure in my life for the past eight years. When Betty asks us for help, she doesn't have the option of saying no. She guides me, inspires me, gives me grace and challenges, allows me to grapple with frustrations, and fosters valuable lessons in growth. Betty's wisdom, accumulated over her 80+ years in San Diego, is my connection to San Diego history. I have the utmost respect for Betty Peabody.
Linda Katz and Lydia Martinez are two more motherly figures who generously took me under their wing and mentored me in various capacities. Both Linda and Lydia radiate immense warmth and genuine care for San Diego's underserved communities. Linda introduced me to the world of serving refugee communities, and Lydia opened my eyes to the myriad needs of the South Bay and Latinx communities. Under Linda and Lydia's nurturing guidance, you can rest assured that you are in the best hands. Lydia's mother clearly had a deep influence on her and her nurturing spirit has touched the lives of many. We are grateful to Lydia Martinez. Her quiet grace, her infectious smile, her unwavering patience, and her vibrant demeanor inspire us to do the right thing.
Mothers guide us, persuade us to overcome difficulties, tame our impudence, and ultimately lead us to a clear vision. They create a cocoon of guidance similar to the guidance of Betty Peabody in my life. We all seek approval from our mothers, but am I proud of you? As my own mother's daughter, even though she is no longer with us, I still try to honor her legacy and make her proud.
Sometimes I wonder if I am raising a good daughter. My daughter Roshni Kakaiya enters. He nurtures me every day, hovers carefully every Mother's Day, and checks on me without fail. Another motherly presence in my life is my son Kush Kakaiya. He gives me love and tenderness that remind me of the care he once gave to his own mother. He massages my feet after a long day of work and prepares meals for me during visits. If our sons can respond to that nurturing love in the same way they would a partner or sibling, then we have fulfilled our role as mothers. True to my confession, she inherits my determination and kindness, and he embodies my adventurous spirit.
My mother, the only daughter in her family, lost her mother when she was only three years old. Raised with the utmost care by her father, she instilled in us the unconditional love, resilient spirit, and high standards of excellence that Linda, Lydia, and Betty had.
It’s interesting to observe how Gen Z uses the term “mothering.” In Taylor Swift's realm, when they proclaim that “a mother is a mother,” they pay homage to her boundless kindness and her commanding presence.
May we all engage in mothering as Betty, Lydia, Roshni, Kush, and Linda have mothered me.
