One thing I've learned from working at Parents and talking to many caregivers over the years is that parenting can be difficult, stressful, and surprising. On top of that, parents are often bombarded with too much information and unsolicited advice. This can come from well-meaning grandparents or other loved ones, or it can come from strangers who want to give their two cents.
Opinions and “you should do this” comments can make parenting seem even more difficult.
Parents informally polled readers on Instagram and Facebook and asked, “What's your least favorite opinion about parenting?” Many parents shared parenting strategies that worked for them, often in the opposite of what they expected.
Here are some common themes that make perfect sense.
It's ok for kids to be bored
We live in a fast-paced world where there always seems to be something to do and a place to be. It's okay for families to refuse certain things and give their children free time.
The caregivers say:
“I think the kids are too busy. 1482 It's not bad to get bored on the weekend instead of going to see a soccer game.''
“Kids don't need to fill their days with pre-planned educational activities. Let them explore, get bored, invent games, and be silly.”
Screen time is not a problem
There's an ongoing debate about how much screen time is too much for kids, and parents may feel like they're failing if their kids are watching more than experts recommend.
Sure, you probably don't want your kids staring at screens 24/7, but many parents are lax on their screen time rules. Of course, you should monitor what your kids are watching, but you don't have to be too hard on yourself if your kids spend extra time on YouTube.
The caregivers say:
“I'm not worried about 'screen time'. Of course my kids don't sit and look at screens all day, but I don't monitor 'time' or anything like that and my kids understand there needs to be balance in everything.”
“I'm okay with screen time. And I'm sorry.”
Expressions of affection are optional
No, your child doesn't need to hug everyone they meet. Parents say letting kids decide what feels right is a great way to learn independence.
Caregivers say:
“Children should not be forced to kiss or hug anyone, even their grandparents.”
“You don't have to hug people if you don't want to.”
“As a child, at family events, I was made to hug and kiss everyone in the family. If my daughter doesn't want to hug someone…family or not…her boundaries are… You will be respected.”
Don't force yourself to eat
Many parents are tired of the phrase “eat all the food on your plate” and let their children eat as much as they want. In fact, experts recommend that it's not a good idea to force your child to eat all the food on their plate. This is not conducive to raising a child with a healthy diet.
The caregivers say:
“It's okay if you can't finish it all. You can eat it if you're hungry.”
“You don't have to finish everything on your dinner plate. Just eat until you're full.”
let them feel how they feel
Children need to know that their emotions are okay as they learn to regulate them. Research shows that adults play a big role in helping children learn to regulate their emotions. Regulating emotions is an important life skill.
The caregivers say:
“Children have the right to feel emotions, and adults can apologize even if they are wrong!”
“Let them have feelings!”
It's good to apologise to your children
Parents make mistakes too, but when they do, it's important to apologize.
The caregiver says:
“I apologize to my children. I admit when they're right and apologize when I'm wrong. And I allow them to feel their emotions. I also sit with them and cuddle and pamper them.”
“He says he's sorry to his kids after he was triggered and fell.”
teach children to fail
It can feel scary to watch your child fail, but it can be a positive thing for parents to step back and allow their child to fail.
The caregivers say:
“Let them fail.”
“Failure is a lesson in life. Sometimes you just have to sit quietly and watch failure happen.”
Forget perfect attendance
Parents say it's time for schools to end perfect attendance awards – not only is this harder to achieve for children with underlying health conditions, but research has shown that student attendance awards are ineffective.
Caregivers say:
“Full attendance at school is not required. Mental health days or absent days will not lower your GPA.”
Do what's right for you
This is a big one: unless your children are being harmed, ignore the unsolicited advice that makes you feel like you're doing a bad job. (Not you!)
Caregivers say:
“Everyone should do what they think is right for their family, and as long as no one is hurt, I think that's fine.”
“You parent your way and I'll parent my way.”
