I did the hard part for you.
I went to the South Mississippi Summer Fair in Biloxi and ate at every food stall on the grounds of the Mississippi Coast Coliseum.
*Well, I didn't skip all the stalls, but I did skip the fair-run stalls selling traditional carnival food.
No, I visited each local vendor and tried something that would help me better allocate stomach space before being whisked off into orbit in my alien abduction vehicle.
I know, I am truly a man of the people.
Let's take a look at what happened on opening night of Summer Fair.
First, we got drinks. My wife bought bubble tea from Emerald Tea Company. The truck has a wide selection of bubble teas to choose from, including bubble tea, tea lattes, and energy teas.
We went next door to Enfruta to get drinks and ordered the mango aguas frescas, which, along with the tamarind ones from Heladaria La Frescura in Pascagoula, were the best I've ever eaten.
This drink has more juice than your typical aguas frescas and comes with chunks of mango that fit into the large straw. A variety of Mexican drinks are also available, including elotes, esquites, and fresas con crema.
Our first stop was Will Yams in Gulf Shores, Alabama. Their specialty is egg rolls. They have three varieties on the menu: crawfish, boudin, and buffalo chicken. They also sell fried apple pie with cinnamon butter and powdered sugar.
I ordered the crawfish egg roll, cooked with pepper jack cheese and drizzled with a heady sweet chili sauce, which arrived piping hot and nearly twice the size of a typical takeout roll.
Once we finished our egg rolls, we moved on to the next food stall: Indolicious, a stall serving ramen, cheesesteaks, and potato twisters, and we weren't sure what to expect at the stall.
What's a Potato Twister? Yes, a tornado potato. It's a spiral potato. A spinning stick of starch. A twirling ring of potato wrapped around a wooden stick just over a foot long. It's available with a variety of sauces, including Hot Cheeto, Jalapeño, Ranch, and Cajun.
Just when you thought you'd enjoyed potatoes in all their forms, the Biloxi fair is showcasing the latest potato innovation.
And somehow, it wasn't the best the shop could offer. My wife and I shared the mild chicken ramen. Consider this a warning. You and I and the cook under the tent have very different definitions of spiciness. There were three spiciness levels, and my wife chose the spiciest.
To be honest, it was pretty spicy. It was very tasty and the chicken is cooked on the grill right in front of you, but be prepared. My wife and I were stoked while Jay Mattoli performed his magic on the entertainment stage behind us.
The spice made me hallucinate that the ramen was dancing on the table, but it only disappeared when I bumped into one of the lemonade stands.
The Lemon Shack was our oasis. Maybe it was the cooling sensation, but my wife raved about her peach lemonade, calling it “the best lemonade she's ever had,” complete with a peach ring on top.
Then we had a slice of pepperoni pizza at Cain's Pit Stop – it was pizza after all – and after a break from touring the alpacas, African pygmy goats and various sacred cows, we indulged in a Rice Krispie cookie at the Crumble Cookies.
Afterwards, my wife watched in amazement as I ate a black raspberry snowball at Bry's Treats, which also serves ice cream nachos, frappes and shakes, and knows someone who sells bales of ryegrass hay if we run out.
On the way out, I double-dipped the Lemon Shack and bought a Blue Raspberry Ocean Water Lemonade, topped with gummy sharks that were super tasty. The lemonade also comes in watermelon and strawberry.
The fair is now in its 37th year and runs until June 16th. Admission fees vary during the period, so check the website for opening hours and ticket prices.
Scott Watkins is the Sun-Herald's high school sports and Southern Miss athletics reporter.
