Opinion: Crime is much more profitable than newspapers
I once thought that publishing a quality newspaper full of accurate, informative and entertaining news would earn me enough money to cover my living expenses.
Larry Persily • June 26, 2024 at 1:30 AM
Almost anything can be more profitable than a newspaper: a winter lemonade stand, a barbershop at a bald men's convention, a Carhartt dry-cleaning service, selling canned farmed pink salmon at an Alaskan street fair — any of these could be more profitable than running a newspaper.
I used to think that publishing a quality newspaper that was accurate, informative, entertaining, and always made sure to spell everyone's name correctly would make enough money to pay the bills. But as I read more about political campaign donations, I realized there was an easier way to raise money: crime.
Not straight up theft, but robbing ATMs, breaking into gold miners' mines, bootlegging, etc. These involve too much risk of physical harm. And it's too much effort. After working seven days a week delivering newspapers, I'm too tired to carry out crimes that require physical labor.
I think I find the answer in Donald Trump.
Every time Trump is convicted, his supporters across the country will pour in millions, even tens of millions of dollars.
Days after Trump was convicted of financial fraud in New York City in February, his campaign committee began actively soliciting donors to show their love and support for the convicted fraudster.
Then in March and April, as it became clear that Trump would need to post hundreds of millions of dollars in penalties and interest in the fraud case while he appealed his sentence, the candidates' campaign committees and the Republican Party opened envelopes, downloaded online clicks and answered phones to raise millions more in donations.
Then, in May, just two days after he was convicted of 34 felony counts of falsifying business records to bribe women who claimed to have had affairs with Trump, his fundraising total hit $28 million. And that was only counting contributions over $200, not smaller payments. Though the Trump campaign claims to have raised nearly $53 million, it's clear his financial calculations can never be trusted.
Anyway, after reading about the money that can be made after committing a crime, I realized I was in the newspaper business all wrong. Forget fair, accurate and reliable reporting; that doesn't make money. The only financial salvation for a newspaper is to commit a crime and solicit donations, especially if there is a conviction.
But what crimes in Alaska will garner public sympathy and donations? Fish poaching is a big no-no. Alaskans tolerate many illegal activities, but stealing fish from rivers and threatening salmon runs is not one of them.
It's a crime to put liquids in carry-on luggage on an airplane, but it's such a common violation that it doesn't garner much sympathy or donations.
Downloading pirated music is a crime, but it requires more IT skills than I have.
Federal tax evasion is always popular, stoking public resentment at federal spending, but in Alaska many newspapers have closed because they have to show profits to pay taxes.
I struggled to come up with the perfect crime that would garner public support and donations. Then I had an idea: sneak onto the state ferry without buying a ticket. It would be a victimless crime, no one would get hurt, and everyone would be unhappy with the poor ferry service. The only hurdle would be that I would need to time it perfectly to catch the weekly ferry that docks in Wrangell.
Larry Persily is publisher of the Wrangell Sentinel.
