abortion.
You probably just thought of one of two labels: “pro-choice” or “pro-life.” Your opinion of these labels will determine which side is considered the monster.
I once had similar thoughts on this issue. I once believed that my cause was just, my logic was safe, and my opposition was evil.
My stance on the abortion issue has not changed. But now I refuse to denigrate or hate people who think differently than me. This wasn't because someone made me believe my position was wrong.I got there by learning more about the power of dialogue.
Nearly a year ago, I attended a film screening and workshop event hosted by Mormon Women's Ethical Government (MWEG) and YOUnify in Salt Lake City, Utah. The film is “Public Enemies' Private Friends'' (previously known as “Abortion Negotiations''), in which six women, leaders on both sides of the abortion issue, face the consequences of an incident that resulted in two deaths. It was a documentary that detailed the true story of how they secretly came together. The abortion clinic shootings of the 1990s ultimately paved the way for peace, understanding, and friendship.
When I walked away that night, I, too, discovered peace, understanding, and a new kinship with others. I realized one very important truth about her. That means it doesn't matter even if we disagree. The important thing is that I learn to see and value the other side, the other person, as a fellow human being.
None of the women in this film changed their stance on abortion. There were no new developments in terms of compromise between the two sides. So why was it important?
These six women have proven that despite our differences, we really can get along. The real question in today's political debates is not which policy is the right one or which side should prevail. The real question is whether we will stop destroying ourselves by demonizing those who think differently than us.
This week is National Conversation Week, so I took some time to reflect on how I've changed in the past year since that experience. I realized that disrespecting others and their opinions only hurts yourself. That night, I vowed to immediately stop all actions that promote this harmful mindset. Since then, I have tried to listen more authentically to others, seek understanding, refrain from preconceived judgments, and be open to new ideas. I stopped using inflammatory language and started calling for peaceful discussion. I have looked upon the so-called “enemy” with compassion and love.
As a result of making these changes, all my relationships improved, not just those strained by disagreements. I find it easier to connect with new people, renew old friendships, and strengthen ties with family and close friends. I have felt my mind grow and my soul grow as I became a better person, better communicator, and better citizen.
I have never convinced anyone to change their mind, but I have convinced myself that a peaceful approach to a heated argument will lead to peaceful relations, even if no one's mind changes. Indeed, as Martin Luther King Jr. once said, “Peace is not just a distant goal we seek; it is a means to reach that goal.”
To achieve peace in our country, we need more peace in politics. We need more people willing to put aside their heightened emotions and political identities to build bridges of understanding. We need more people to gather in their homes and communities with the intention of speaking, listening, and listening, as these six women did nearly 30 years ago. This will only happen if we are all willing to change. Fortunately, there are plenty of resources to help you learn. Organizations like Braver Angels and Living Room Conversations can help you improve your skills. Events like the Better Together Film Festival could be a success story.
So the next time you argue your side, remember that the people on the other side have their own reasons, experiences, and feelings, just like you. They are no more demons or monsters than you are.
The sooner you stop name-calling and start understanding, the sooner you can have healthy, productive disagreements instead of destructive arguments. Whether it's abortion, gun control, or any other political or personal issue, we need to work with people with whom we disagree civilly, peacefully, and even lovingly to bring about change. only when you start a conversation.
Pacifist. builder of bridges. friend.
Can you imagine if these are labels that define us, all of us?
It starts with you and me.
Sierra Jensen is a member of Mormon Women for Ethical Government and lives in North Carolina with her husband and two children.