Once upon a time, work was work. We were holding back to eat. But too many of us today make the mistake of making the work of anointing our primary source of meaning.
70% of employees say their job defines their sense of purpose. Meanwhile, my research shows that only 12.5% of people are “fully and completely engaged” in their work, which reflects years of data from Gallup.
In other words, we don't love our work, we want our work to love our work. I've heard that if you do what you love, you won't have to work a day, but we feel burnt out and don't know what to do. We want more from our jobs than we can realistically get.
We have to stop putting too much pressure on work to make life worthwhile. how? Create a broader and deeper life by controlling your time off.
We have more agency and opportunity than ever to create vitality in our discretionary time, but we fail to take advantage of it. Although most of us don't feel like we have “time abundance,” the average American spends 2.86 hours each day watching TV and 2.3 hours on social media.
However, our lives are short. On average, our Mondays only have 4,000 days left to live, and she spends 2,340 of those days getting out of bed and going to work.
Fortunately, we can understand these facts and change what is left of our lives for the better.
For example, a branding director I worked with kept waiting for her work to make her “feel complete.” She finally realized that it was like waiting for Santa Claus, so she took the reins and created a balanced life for herself. These include practicing meditation, volunteering at a memory care facility, and organizing a potluck social dinner. Her work became only a small part of her whole life.
An unmotivated senior executive I worked with took a serious look at her one-sided, all-work-no-play existence and said, “I need to get a life, right?” I admitted it. She took salsa lessons and rekindled her hobby of sketching to create this model.
We have been advised to despise “work,” even turn our noses up at “career,” and continue to seek our “vocation.” But aren't the calls coming from inside your home instead of your office?
People who look to promotions, raises, and other workplace rewards to bring them happiness inevitably find themselves on the “hedonic treadmill” every time a flashy new title loses its luster. Masu.
One executive told me: “I finally got the big job I had been dreaming of, and after a month or so of feeling good, I went home and felt empty.” She began to understand that inspiration could come from outside her career, so she began fundraising for her local library and found a source of purpose.
Another went from “living to work” to “working to live” and started a podcast for gamers. He said it felt as if a pressure valve had opened and he no longer needed confirmation of his worth. Living with purpose outside of work can do wonders for your career prospects.
This is not to say that we should continue doing soul-piercing work that actively harms us. The answer is not to settle for relentless dysfunction.
But to live a truly vibrant life, you need more than a career. These include:
Find Flow: Flow is that incredibly immersive state of mind that occurs when you're taking on an optimal challenge and are completely engrossed in an activity. Experienced workers typically have mastered the job they do for a living, so they have fewer opportunities to learn and grow on the job than when they were new. But you can also find flow outside of work, like taking up glass blowing, learning a new language, or earning your next belt in Taekwondo. Get your hobby back!
Recognize that life is an inner work: My research shows that 40% of adults feel “meaningfully bored.” We live a slumbering life: work, eat takeout, watch Netflix, sleep, repeat. Leaving work on autopilot for the rest of our lives robs us of our autonomy, motivation, and sense of well-being. You can get out of this situation by carving out a little time in the next week to do one small thing that makes you feel alive.
Practicing Memento Mori: Remembering that we all must die and focusing on the finite nature of life helps us understand how rare and special it is. Starting with the “big end” in mind will help you stop taking life for granted. Visualizing your deathbed or death can be a powerful awakening exercise. If you died tonight, what would you regret? (Hint: There's no such thing as too little effect.)
Do you know how many Mondays are left? Time to do the math. Work cannot and will not be our only source of purpose and joy. But there's still time to find both across careers.
Jody Wellman is a Southern California-based psychologist and executive coach, and author of You Only Die Once: How to Follow Through with No Regrets.
