There has been a lot of discussion about mental health in recent years, highlighting its importance for everyone, regardless of gender. However, according to a report from Statista, men are still much less likely to receive mental health treatment, and their suicide rate is about 3.6 times higher than women.
“Men face unique challenges when it comes to their mental health, which can make them less willing to seek out professional help and, if left untreated, can worsen symptoms over time,” says Paola Vidauri, LMFT, clinical therapist II in the Substance Abuse and Recovery Program at Loma Linda University's Behavioral Medicine Center. “Women can play a key role in supporting men to overcome stigmas around mental health and foster an environment of understanding and acceptance.”
Accept the “unspoken rules”
Stigmas against men's mental health are often formed early in life by societal, cultural and familial influences. Adolescent boys are commonly told to “stop crying” or “hold it in” when faced with emotional stress. This kind of emotional discouragement is just one facet of what Vidauri calls unspoken rules, which include stereotypes like:
If a man shows emotion, it means he is weak.
Men are the breadwinners for their families and their value is tied to economic success.
A man should be independent and rely on self-sufficiency so as not to be a burden on others.
When adolescent boys experience feelings of sadness, anger, or grief, they may feel pressured to conform to masculine norms and suppress their emotions, which can lead to unhealthy coping skills.
When adults belittle boys' feelings, they're essentially telling them not to talk, which can lead to boys feeling uncomfortable talking about their feelings as adults, Bidauri said.
“When some of the men in our programs are reluctant to talk, it has a lot to do with the unspoken ground rules they learned growing up – that expressing emotions is something only women should do,” she says.
How women can contribute
If you're supporting a male loved one on their mental health journey, “don't give up,” Vidauri stresses. “I know this is especially hard for men, as they first have to express themselves in ways they were told not to when they were growing up, but don't give up.”
According to Vidauri, here are ways women can help men on their mental health journey:
Share your experience
Talking about mental health helps normalise and destigmatise the subject, encouraging men to talk more openly about their experiences.
Pause and listen
While women often find it easier to talk about their experiences, when conversing with men who may not be used to opening up, Vidauri suggests taking a moment to listen, as it's important to include the other person's opinions and perspectives in the conversation.
Invite them to therapy.
When dealing with a man who's reluctant to go to therapy, Bidauri suggests inviting him to a session to show him what it's like: “If a woman tells a man he needs to go to therapy, he may defend himself and resist, but if a woman invites him to join as part of her support network, that's different.” The idea is that when a hesitant person sees others who have benefited from therapy, he'll become interested and may start to view mental health care more positively.
Set boundaries
No one likes to feel uncomfortable, so it's important to be patient and set boundaries for yourself. It's important to be helpful to those around you, but women must be careful not to push themselves so hard that they become passive and ignore boundaries.
What if they don't want help?
Dealing with a loved one who won't ask for help can be tricky, because you don't want them to shut themselves off or reject you. “Love them, but don't work harder than them,” says Vidauri. “If you do, you'll end up repelling them.” The more you ask for their help, the more likely they are to avoid discussing personal topics with you.
To solve this, Viduari suggests using the “Rule of Three” method: instead of spamming your loved one with texts, calls, and visits, check in with them every three days. This lets them know that you're still there for them, but that you respect them enough not to inadvertently burden or alienate them.
Tips for Men
It can be difficult for men to deal with their mental health, and Vidauri offers some simple tips to help men manage and improve their mental health.
Exercise: Regular exercise can help reduce symptoms of depression and anxiety.
Vitamin D: Increasing your Vitamin D levels by being outside or near a window can help regulate your mood and stave off depression.
Avoid isolation: Maintaining in-person friendships rather than relying solely on online friends promotes interpersonal support with loved ones.
Build a community: If you can't surround yourself with friends and family, or you want additional community, there are plenty of support groups for issues like depression and addiction.
Eat well: Processed foods may taste good, but a balanced diet is better for your physical and mental health.
Get a medical check-up: People with mental health issues may have deficiencies in certain hormones or vitamins, which a doctor can diagnose.
Self-care: In today's fast-paced society, it can be hard to take a mental break, but taking a step back, relaxing, and practicing gratitude can help you refocus on the positive aspects of life.
To learn more about adult mental health care at Loma Linda University's Department of Behavioral Health, click here or call 909-558-9275 to learn about individualized support and treatment plans.
