With another guy, I decided to suggest the half-board option. I didn't like him enough to do a full-course meal, but he was a lot of fun, so we ordered some fizzy Cokes for a laugh and some hearty arancini for the hungry ones. I was happy to be with him, so I waited for the arancini to heat up in the microwave.
Finally, the day came when I was going to take my true love to a Sicilian café. Catarina, noticing the desire in my eyes and my warm personality, brought the main course plate, a beautiful floral plate. She knew I loved him, which meant she knew we should enjoy a proper meal. I ordered caponata and burrata, chicken escalope and green beans, beef ragu and rigatoni, gorgonzola gnocchi, and red wine for my love. To finish, we had as many strong coffees and duty-free cigarettes as he wanted.
Some might argue that the best meal to have with a lover is to eat nothing at all, and that sex should be enough for its own sake — a glass of water and a cigarette while leaning your chest against a cold windowsill — but we're not all French.
For me, a local pizza takeaway is the epitome of cinematic sex. Choosing a local place means the pizza arrives hot and steaming hot. It may not be the best pizza you've ever had, but the quality of the person you're eating with is more important in a sex meal. Pizza is great because you only have to order one. You don't have to take the time to analyze a huge menu and escape the romantic brain. It's simple. One hot, American pizza, large. With takeaway pizza, you don't have to leave the house. It means you can throw on a half-dressed outfit and look like a Vivienne Westwood model. Finally, when you're done with the pizza, you wipe the excess oil and tomato off your mouth. Your lips will be pink and shiny (and a little plumper from the spicy pepperoni). And just like that, you're dying to kiss me.
Some people are embarrassed to eat greasy food with their lovers. For me, it's sad. If I don't enjoy eating with someone, it's a clear sign that they're not for me. I want to lay everything out on the table and truly enjoy the company of others, especially those who pamper me. I'm Henry VIII and my lover is my wife, but instead of handing me the axe, I hand him the knife and fork.
