When you encounter a health problem, you quickly learn to understand everyone better… [+] It's all around you. (Photo: Getty)
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A health crisis can be a great revelation, as it forces us to take a closer look at ourselves and our lives. It can shed light on what we've done, what we haven't done, and what we should be doing with our lives going forward. It can also reveal a lot about the people around us and who they really are. In fact, when we're in the midst of a health crisis, anyone can pull themselves into one of five directions:
1. They try to take advantage of you.
A health crisis can show that the people around you are actually cold, calculating and selfish. (Photo:… [+] Getty)
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Yes, unfortunately, some people see your misfortune as an opportunity to improve their own fortunes. They will take advantage of your current weak position, where it is difficult for you to recognize and fight off their ploys, to get you to do what they want. This could include pressuring you to part with resources, give them an opportunity, make a promise to them, or do something else that you may regret in the future.
Don't expect compassion or empathy to get in the way of these self-centered users' Thanos-esque end goals. They may use every possible influence tactic, including luring themselves into a position where you appear to be dependent on them. From such a position, they may threaten to withhold assistance or leave if you don't follow their orders. This may be combined with attempts to isolate you from others and make you even more dependent. This intimate position allows them to harass, criticize, gaslight, and even bully you further until you finally give in. Sounds great, right?
It's important to identify and remove these toxic people from your life as soon as possible, or at least set clear boundaries that they shouldn't cross. Otherwise, being with them is like wearing a meat suit or dress among wolves. Rely on your support network to help you identify and deal with such users, because you won't be the strong, robust, clear-headed, over-shirted, sexy person you were when you were healthy. Also, don't make any big, unnecessary decisions in the middle of a health crisis. No matter how well-rounded you think you are, you could still get run over by these roadsters.
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2. They run away and avoid you.
When a health crisis hits, the people around us can disappear quickly. (Photo: Getty)
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These people may or may not be intentionally trying to hurt you, but their actions, or rather lack of actions, can eventually cause pain. They may be very present at the best of times, but the moment your virtual beeps hit the virtual fan, watch as they are blown away like dust in the wind. They may try to reduce contact or run away completely, disappearing without even regular contact, even though such an act would only take a few minutes and a few fingers on a keypad.
There are a few possible reasons why they might disappear. One is that they don't really care about you, or at least you're not a high priority for them, somewhere below the Kardashians or the barista at your local coffee shop. Another is that your health issues are too serious for them, and they feel like they're a reminder of their own frailty or mortality. The third possibility is that they don't know what to say or do, so doing nothing is their default.
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If this happens, see if questioning them about their behavior and explaining it can help bring them back into the fold. If they still keep their distance, it's probably best not to rely on them going forward.
3. They are two-faced and gossip about themselves.
Your misfortune may mean more gossip for some. (Photo: Getty)
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Ah, gossip is a substitute for money for some, it gives them something to offer others besides having an interesting personality, etc. So while appearing to be helping you, some people may at the same time be collecting personal and sensitive information about you and passing it on to others, similar to what many social media companies do.
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It can be hard to trust these people, because they are selling the information you revealed to them. Consider questioning why they betrayed your trust and insisting that they never do it again. They will likely clearly show remorse, make amends, and agree to keep any information you shared confidential unless otherwise specified. However, if they don't, they are not worthy of your trust, and it may be best to cut off access to your money.
4. Offer limited or conditional assistance.
Some may be hesitant to offer help. (Photo: Getty)
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Don't expect everyone to give you their all. Some people might give you half, a quarter, a twentieth, or even less, but that's okay as long as their actions meet your expectations and they feel close to you. A little help here and there can add up to something meaningful.
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But you may be disappointed when you get much less than you expected from certain people – for example, a small amount of help when you were expecting a full Happy Meal. Problems can also arise when there are clear conditions attached to the help, treating their support as a transaction in which they expect to get something immediately in return other than the satisfaction of having helped you. In extreme cases, they may hold you hostage, threatening to withhold their help unless you meet certain conditions.
How you deal with these people will depend on how much you expected from them, how much you needed their support, what options you had, and how much you're willing to tolerate them. If it's reasonable to expect more from them, a frank conversation can help you see if they're holding back due to some fear, insecurity, or misunderstanding (such as concern that you won't appreciate their help) and whether these concerns can be alleviated. But if they don't budge, you've made it clear where they stand and what you should expect going forward.
5. Be genuinely helpful and supportive.
When people are guided by genuine kindness, compassion, and concern for your well-being, they… [+] The jewels of your life, the people you cherish forever. (Photo: Getty)
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Finally, we will show you the best. A health crisis reveals the worst side of some people, but also the best side of others. A crisis may very well strengthen existing friendships and partnerships and give rise to new ones, because in dire straits, some people will likely rise above your expectations. They will act selflessly and show that they are guided by true kindness, compassion, and concern for your well-being. These are gems, examples of humanity, and people you should cherish forever.
And some of these people may come from unexpected directions — people you barely knew or didn't even know before the health crisis hit. In strange times, strangers can be the biggest help.
The good thing about all five directions is that it's always better to find out who people really are as soon as possible so you don't waste your most precious resource, time, with the wrong people and can instead focus more on the valuable things in life. This may actually be the healthiest thing to come out of a health crisis.
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