She thought they had done the deal, he was nowhere to be seen.
A New Zealand woman sued in small claims court after her boyfriend reneged on a promise to drive her to the airport and look after her dog while she was away, arguing that the agreement was an oral contract.
A woman had asked her boyfriend of six and a half years to look after her two dogs at home while she went to a concert, and while he may have been a jerk, he ultimately wasn't held liable for the financial damages she suffered because he missed her trip, according to an order issued this week by the New Zealand Disputes Tribunal.
He allegedly agreed to not only pet-sit, but also drive her to the airport. But the morning she was due to fly out, she couldn't get in touch with her beloved. To make matters worse, he never showed up. She missed her flight but managed to make the trip anyway. After taking the day off, she took him to court, which is “faster, cheaper and less formal than court,” the website states.
The courts allow you to settle small claims cases up to $30,000, such as car or motorcycle accidents, harassing a neighbor's fence, or paying off a debt. There are no lawyers or judges. Instead, the parties attend a hearing where a so-called “umpire” helps the parties resolve their dispute, or the umpire resolves the dispute on the parties' behalf. The outcome is legally binding.
The woman sought compensation for the financial losses she suffered as a result of her boyfriend's breach of contract – she had to pay for another flight, airport transfers and dog kennel fees – and also sought reimbursement for ferry fares for another holiday which he had not paid for.
The order, released recently and without disclosing the names of the parties involved or when the failed airport pickup attempt occurred, was filed by NBC News. The tribunal reached its decision in March. The trial judge, identified in the order as “Ms Cowie DTR,” dismissed the case.
“There are many examples of friends letting friends down, but courts have held that unless the promise goes beyond goodwill between friends and becomes a promise intended to be kept, it is an irreparable loss,” she wrote.
For an agreement to be “enforceable,” there needed to be proof of “an intent to create a legally binding relationship.”
The airport ride was nothing of the sort, just the basic commitment you'd find in a typical romantic relationship.
What will happen in US courts?
The ghosted woman is unlikely to sue in the U.S. either, said Steven Krieger, a lawyer who runs a civil litigation firm in Arlington, Virginia.
“In my opinion, this is simply an unfulfillable promise and probably not good for the relationship. But I don't see her being able to win in court for financial compensation,” he said.
Krieger said a key element missing from her case is a legal concept called “consideration,” which means both sides get something of value from an agreement.
The woman claimed that her boyfriend had stayed over at her home in the past and enjoyed it, but she did not enter into a contract with him based on his previous or desired use of her home. It was not a contract to provide a service (sitting on her dog or taking her to the airport) or receive a reward (the use of her home), but rather a promise that he would help get her out of a tight spot.
“Generally, a promise without anything else is not actionable,” Krieger said.
It may not have been an actionable contempt, but it was a crime against civility.
“For her to stand there expectantly, smiling for five, 10, 15, 20 minutes, an hour, and still not have a boyfriend… that's just not acceptable,” says etiquette expert Thomas P. Farley, also known as Mr. Manners.
Who should I take to the airport?
Farley said that while etiquette doesn't require you to drive your significant other to the airport or take care of their pets, ghosting is never the answer.
“For example, if I had an unavoidable work commitment and had to decline to pick her up from the airport, I would certainly let her know,” he said.
Nick Layton, two-time Emmy Award-winning talk show host and co-host of the podcast “Were You Raised By Wolves?”, agreed.
“From an etiquette standpoint, we all want to keep our promises,” he says. “Whenever you have to break a promise, it's good etiquette to let the other person know as soon as possible, apologize profusely for any inconvenience, and make amends if possible.”
Farley called the entire situation, from the initial silence to the courtroom call, “absurd,” but said it raises a larger question: Who is entitled to a ride to the airport?
“Nobody deserves anything,” Layton said, but giving someone a ride to the airport is “the ultimate kindness.”
Farley says it depends on the size of the airport and your relationship with the person sitting in the passenger seat: Is it a friend or an acquaintance?
“If you have a car and the airport is small enough … I think it's a really nice touch,” he said.
If it's a parent, grandparent or anyone who needs assistance with technology or mobility, you'll need to pick them up or arrange a ride.
What if loved ones could hail a cab or order an Uber when they arrived at a busy big city airport? “I think that's a really lovely and romantic thing to do, but does etiquette dictate that you have to do that? No,” Farley says.
Layton added that if you're not in a position to take someone to the airport, or simply don't want to, you should say “no” from the start.
“Setting boundaries and being polite are completely compatible,” he says. “Etiquette doesn't require you to say yes to everything.”
To avoid heartache, find a partner who is on the same page as you on this issue.
“If you want an airport meet-and-greet relationship, you need to find someone whose style matches yours,” Layton says.
