Image courtesy of Leanda Kelly
Image caption: Stevie and Tanya Kordek were as close as twins, their mother said. Article information Author: Rachel McMenemy BBC News Hertfordshire
June 29, 2024
A grieving mother whose two of her three children have committed suicide said she never imagined such a thing could happen.
Tanya and Stevie Kordek began having mental health problems as teenagers but struggled to get help even as adults, their mother said.
Rianda Kelly, from St Albans, is inspired by children to raise awareness of mental health.
“You can lose two kids to a car accident, but I lost two kids to suicide,” she said.
The 66-year-old said she struggled to suppress feelings that they had “let them down” and described their deaths as “heartbreaking”.
Kordek passed away in 2018, and her brother passed away in 2023. He was 44 years old.
She said: “Tanya decided she didn't want to live and began a path of self-destruction.”
Although her daughter had attempted suicide multiple times, her death “was still horrifying and hard to believe,” she said.
Mrs Kelly said her son Stevie had taken his sister's death “particularly hard” because the two were like “twins, just one age apart”.
“I spent my life trying to keep her alive and protect her. She was my baby, she was beautiful, my first child.
“But then Stevie died and it just tore my heart apart.”
She said Kordek, who had struggled with drug addiction, appeared to have turned his life around and had been sober for four years before his death.
Mrs Kelly said his death had consequently been completely unexpected.
In July 2023, he suddenly visited hospital feeling suicidal, but was sent home with the advice that someone would call.
She told the BBC that he had not been in contact with mental health services until he was found dead at his home six days later.
If you are suffering from distress or despair and need help, including emergency support, you can find a list of organisations that can help here.
“They didn't realize their worth.”
Image courtesy of Leanda Kelly
Image caption: Lianda Kelly says that after her children (pictured here) died, many people came forward offering help with their own mental health issues.
Mrs Kelly said that after the deaths of her two children she had been inundated with people who had told her the couple had helped them through their own mental health problems.
“They were very kind, but they were not kind to themselves and did not realize their own worth or beauty.
“I would describe myself as being in their shoes right now, having lost two of the most precious things in the world, my babies,” she said.
Mrs Kelly urged others to look at why people are suffering, rather than making assumptions.
“Drugs, homelessness, alcoholism, eating disorders, any kind of mental illness, these are all symptoms of addiction or a bigger problem.
“I wish people were more open about it.
“With chickenpox or pregnancy, you can see it. But mental health is quiet and invisible. It's not like we're wearing a badge that says, 'Be good to me,'” she said.
Image courtesy of Leanda Kelly
Image caption: Mrs Kelly wants to raise awareness of mental health and reduce stigma
Since her children's deaths, Mrs Kelly has focused on raising awareness and funds for mental health charities.
She hopes to raise £10,000 through an event at Pure Colours Tattoo in St Albans, where people will collect donations in exchange for tattoos.
She said: “It helps me stay focused and not continue to rock in the corner, grieving the loss of my baby.”
More than 300 people have been tattooed at previous events and £6,400 has been raised so far.
Image courtesy of Leanda Kelly
Image caption: Tattoos incorporating semicolons have become a symbol for people facing mental health issues.
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